A mothers love....the good...the bad....and the ugly

Much of the time from mom’s departure from KY and her meeting my dad are a jumbled blur. Not because I have forgotten but instead because she chose to share only what she wanted and even then it was in spurts. As an adult I think I understand why but it is still a mystery to me why she never put the pieces of the story together so I could understand. It is important to know the paragraphs to follow are what I was told and in some cases may not be the actual truth but they are all I know.


My mother left for Cleveland OH not long after her High School graduation. She had said she needed to get out of the small town she lived in because everyone knows your business. Later, I would come to understand it was that they knew her business and it wasn’t always good business.

She left for Cleveland to attend John Carroll University, she attend for a year and then began working part time. At some point, she elected to work full time and forego College. During this time, my mom apparently led a very full social life. She would talk about going skiing and shorts trips in and around OH. At some point during her time in Cleveland things became dark so dark that my mom decided to take her own life. Clearly, she did not succeed as I am here to talk about it.

I remember the day I asked mom why she had scars on her wrists and forearms, she very matter of factly told me she tried to commit suicide. I was stunned, not because of what she told me but because suicide sounded like such a big important word, I was 7 at the time. It wasn’t till a few years later when I asked again that she shared she was hooked on (drugs)Valium because she had been dating a Dr who had been treating her, for waht I don't know.  Apparently, the Dr was married and a subsequent break up ensued and mom couldn’t seem to cope. So she tried to take her own life.

I should mention that I believe mom was quite the social lady with the men. She never seemed to be in any photo from that time without a man in it. Typically the gentlemen were several years he senior as well.

I remember my mom speaking of someone by the name of little Barb, she would tell me “little Barb sent this to you” or “little Barb would have been 10 today” etc. Finally, one day I asked who little Barb was, my mom tried to brush me off but I was persistent like a gnat. 3 years after she came to OH, she became pregnant, to this day, I don’t know who the father was or how the relationship started or ended. Nor do I have a clear understanding of what happened to little Barb the baby she gave birth to in Feb 1967, my sister.

At some point while my mom was pregnant she because friends (or more, I don’t know) with a man by the name of Bill Jacoby. This man was many many years her senior and it is a mystery to me how they met and what their relationship was. I often wonder if he was the father of little Barb. Bill took my mom on many trips over the years evidenced by the tons of pictures and slide carousels I found after mom died.
What I do know of Bill is that he was clearly a very important man in my mom’s life; he had been introduced to her mother (Grandmother) and other family members in late 1967. Bill Moved to Alexandria VA in 1967 sometime and there are many letters between my mom and him which I found after her death. Mom eventually ended up in Alexandria living in the same apartment complex though not the same apartment as Bill. I am not sure that my mom ever knew that I put the pieces together that she and Bill did know each other in OH and did not just meet in VA, as she had claimed long before I found the letters to prove my theory.

Mom was engaged to be married to Bill from what I am told. In January 1969, my mom lost her grandmother the only mother she had ever known. She had a lot of guilt over her death because in a call to her grandmother before her surgery, she said to her “I Hope you die on the table” I don’t know why she said those words but they forever haunted her because her grandmother did die shortly after surgery. Then in December 1969 mom lost Bill he died of a heart attack.

Clearly, this woman had seen her fair share of tragedy even though she was only 26 years old. Unfortunately, that was not to be the case. She had yet to meet my dad where more heartache ensued.