I had been feeling irritated for a few days. I thought, it was just the virus I was battling.
Sunday morning it all came to a head. There I was 10am sitting in my living room with 3 kids. No happy mother’s day uttered from their lips.
My husband comes into the room with a gift “Happy Mother’s Day” The kids all say oh yeah happy mother’s day, “I have something for you but I don’t know where it is” says one of them.
I look at my husband, hoping he does. He says nothing.
And there is where my day took a turn.
They left for Church and as they walked out the door, I bawled. Not sure why but I did.
Then for some reason unknown to me, I got dressed and headed to my mom’s grave.
I hadn’t been to her grave since the late fall. The reasons for my lack of visitation were anger at her for what she had put me through all of my life.
I took flowers, cleared the headstone of grass debris and stay there bawling for an hour.
So many unanswered questions, so much anger, yet still some love there too.
I said my peace and it was time to leave, time to get on with my mother’s day.
I will one day learn to enjoy Mother’s days again, I am sure of it. But for now I will take it as a time to deal with my demons, the demons my mom left behind for me to battle.