Family Update!

So I feel like I have blinked and the summer is gone. I am now in the process of trying to buy school clothes (online cause who has time for shopping) school supplies (online as well) and get the family ready for the annual beach vacation. All the while still plugging away at the day job and running when I can!

So for an update on the kids, the last time I had an update was when my Budding Thespian was in the school rendition of Hansel and Gretel, which was back in May! Since then the older 2 children have completed 3rd and 1st grades spent numerous hours in the pool perfecting their swimming strokes as well as their dives. They both had a great time participating on our local swim club's swim and dive teams and we  equally enjoyed watching them hone their crafts!

Here you can see some of their dive expertise!

The summer was also full of Swim and dive pep rallys 2 of which were really really fun for the family the first was the July 4th Red White and Blue pep really as you can see here the kids take this very seriously!

Second was the watermelon / pie smashing contest Again lots of fun to be had by all and the kids loved pieing their coaches.

We have also taken a couple of trips to Great Wolf Lodge In Williamsburg VA, the kids could not get enough of the water slides all 3 had to be drug form the water park even at closing time. The kids received a long distance visit from New Zealand, Abby our former aupair and honorary family member came to visit for a week.

Finally, the kids have been really lucky to have a super sitter all summer who has helped them keep up with their school work but also squeeze in some fun between school and swim/dive practice.

Not a bad summer if you ask me!

In Training

I am in week 2 of my Runners World Marathon training and it is going well, of course it is, because I have yet to get to the mega mileage portion of the training. However, I am really getting excited and I am staring to fell that cloud of uncertainty lift. I will of course be nervous all the way up to the point I cross the start line but it is palatable now then it was just 2 weeks ago.
I will provide update on my journey but I am not going to solely dedicate my blog to it either. So maybe if I can I will update once a week.
Stay tuned for the family update! (it's been too long since I posted about them.

Army Ten Miller……has put me back on track……

And its a good thing seeing how I have a very busy Fall race

season! Memorial day weekend I had hernia surgery and it knocked me on my butt.
I really thought I would have surgery on Thursday and be out for a run on Sunday….
boy did I oversimplify that!

It took me a good 2 weeks to get to a place where I felt I could
run without feeling as though my guts were going to fall out.

Now I am back in the groove thanks to the package I received

yesterday! Behold, my Army Ten Miler in training shirt.

I have always wanted to do the Army Ten Miler, first because I have a huge respect for

our military men  and women. Second, I am married to an Army Man and third, to prove I can!

Shopping.........ugh

When I was off in April for my annual spring cleaning, I also did a little spring shopping. I love to go to outlet malls. I am a man’s dream when it comes to shopping. When I head out to the mall I know what I need/want, I walk into a store look around if I see something I need/like I grab it if not I pass by without so much as a second look within 15 minutes I am on the next store. I do not like to “peruse” or “shop” while shopping.
My Mom and I use to shop together from the time I was a little kid to adulthood. I remember as a little kid being drug from store to store. We might hit 3 groceries stores on a Saturday….why you may ask. Well because my mom was a bargain shopper, she had to be being a single parent with no other means of support. So we would get the milk that was on sale at one store the canned food that was on sale at another and maybe the meat at yet another place. Unlike me, my mom didn’t go into stores knowing “I need these things” she knew she needed certain things but would still “shop” so up and down each aisle it didn’t matter if it was K-mart, The grocery store or a clothing store we would cover every square inch of the place. It was a sport for her.It wasn’t until I had kids I that I began to realize just what a sport or hobby it was for her. I just always viewed it as annoying. When my children came along my mom would buy arms full of clothes and give it to them as gifts for Christmas, their birthday and any other holiday in between. I use to tell her “stop spending your money” because I worried, she was spending way too much on them and not doing enough for herself. She would always say I find things on sale I pick through racks; you let me worry about what I spend. She enjoyed getting a deal! Before mom died, she sent me to the closet in her guest bedroom, it was early August, and in there she told me to look for a blue bag. In it was Jackson’s birthday gift (his birthday is 8/23) not only was the blue bag in there but several other bags overflowing with stuff for the kids, shorts, shirts, dresses, toys and stuffed animals. Mom hadn’t been shopping since at least June 19th as she didn’t go out alone after diagnosis. So this “stuff” had been there for quite some time because she had bargain bought the season prior for the kids so she could provide arm loads of stuff to them. This was the way she showed her love, to them and to me, thoroughly enjoyed buying and giving us things. I can honestly say my mom pretty much clothed my kids. So in April, needing go shopping for the kids for the first time in a real way, I’m talking all new shorts all new shirts shoes etc. I took my time and went to the outlet mall and found every bargain I could  I am sure was not as skilled as she was at the craft but I did do my best as my trunk can attest to.

While shopping I was shocked at the types of clothes out there for kids, t-shirts with inappropriate sayings for little boys, dresses for my toddler that a 20 something woman should wear and then the kicker were these………

I don’t consider myself a prude but these shorts didn’t seem appropriate for my 9 year old let alone an 18 year old. Heck, even if I had the body I don’t know that I would be wearing these.
I see a lot more shopping in my future and I will do my best to channel some of my mom’s strengths bargain shopping and holding her ground when she said no! Because when I am asked to buy the shorts above the answer will be NO!

To write or not write…

So when I first started this blog is was a fun novel thing
to do, it was the “in” thing to do with respect to social media. Well for me it
evolved into a number of things. 

First, I have met some amazing people who have provided
incredible advise over the years some of which has helped me in more ways than
I can explain. 

Second, it has allowed me to express myself without fear. Sure I make typos and grammatical errors, but never was I being judged. I wasable to release my thoughts without “seeing” someone's reaction and that felt
freeing to me. 

As some of you may know I lost my mom in August to cancer,
it was rather quick and an intense time in my life. It opened a Pandora’s box
of sorts with respect to my feelings and emotions about my mom and our
relationship.  I have toyed (only in my head) with the idea of writing a
book. I have a title already

“A mothers love….the good, the bad and the ugly” 

I want to write this as a way to get all my feelings out and express them my way instead
of the way I have for so many years which is to bottle it up. Don’t ask me where I will find time; I consistently take on way too much at one time. However, I think this is something I just need to
do. The “book" may never see the light of day but it may be the therapy the Dr ordered. 

Running a mental and physical game….

So I have not been training like a good runner should. I have put on 7 lbs and I have not taken great care of my body. So I decided that starting the 1st of May I would get my butt back in gear.

I , however will be smart about it. I have run 4 Half’s in a matter of a year as well as many other small 10 and 5k’s. What I have not done is train the way I should for all my races. I vowed that 2011 would be my year to focus on me and my running and hopefully take it to the next level.

About 3 weeks ago, I realized I was 4 months into 2011 and not living up to my vow. So what do I do? I sing up for my first Marathon! What better way to get my butt in gear right?

The day after I signed up, I freaked out, what the heck did I do? I have never even attempted 26.2 and now I am signed up to run it?!

So Monday started my long journey back to distance running. I am starting slow and I am going to mix in some cross training and weights. Yesterday I did 2 miles and a bunch of arm and leg work, today I did 2.5 miles. Slow but steady I will get there.

So sit back and enjoy my ride, I guarantee it will be a wild, fun, emotional, exhilarating all at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!

Budding Thespian?

From an early age my oldest has always loved music, she
loves to sing and dance but mostly sing.

Last year, she had an interest to try out of the school
play. Having heard many a parent go on and on about how time consuming the play
was I made a parental decision to not have her try out for the play. My thought
was I have a hard enough time getting her to and from school and activities
like CCD and Soccer how on earth will I manage that too? So we conveniently
missed tryouts. (I felt horrible for weeks)

This year try outs came along and both of my older children
tried out. Only Lauren was accepted (not a fun couple nights at the dinner
table thanks Mr. Director!) Practice was twice a week and wasn’t too bad. Then what
I like to refer to as hell week hit. Practice everyday at the high school from
4:30 to 7:30! Ugh!!!! Add that to Soccer CCD and Schoolwork well, it is a
recipe for a huge melt down!

Lauren handled everything beautifully! She was able to
juggle soccer and school work though the morning were a bit rough as she is not
a morning person and she moves at a snails pace.

She had invited all of our neighbors, her grandparents and
even teachers to come see her in her acting debut as a cupcake in Hansel and
Gretel.

She was fully of smiles and humming her song all the time. 

The night of the first show I was nervous for her, would she
remember the songs would she freeze on stage, would her costume stay on? No
need to worry she was cool as cucumber!  Mom was enough of a wreck for both of us!

Can’t wait to see what next years play is…and this time she
will get to try out for speaking roles!!

Everyone loves a wedding!

So this morning at 5:20 am I and people around world tuned in for the Royal Wedding. I do vividly recall watching Williams Mother Marry Prince Charles nearly 30 years ago on July 29, 1981. The date is easy to remember because it was my mother’s birthday. I recall being up early to watch and also being glued to the TV so as not to miss a moment of the coverage since there was no such thing as TiVo or DVR.

Today was for me wonderful and a bit bittersweet. It was wonderful to see 2 very happy people exchange vows and cement their lives together for all their loved ones (and a good bit of the world) to see. IN a strange way I felt a kinship to Kate as I remember being the bride who found her Price charming and simply wanted all the people I knew and loved to witness our pledge of love to one another. Regardless if you are royalty or girl from Alexandria VA the sense of calm, peace, excitement and jubilation all at one time is the same. The bittersweet part for me was watching with my kids and building some of the same memories I had with my mother. I miss my mom so much, and events such as today bring back the good memories of my childhood and my life with her.

I was tickled when my 6 year old Jackson kept asking “are they going to kiss, are they going to kiss?” He was giddy with excitement as they did it not once but twice for the entire world to see. My 9 year old was staring at the dress, the veil and of course the tiara. I told her “see one day that could be you” and the beauty is it truly one day will be her, maybe not on that grand of a scale, but hopefully with the same grace and poise shown by Kate and William today.

Spring Cleaning

Usually every April I take a week off and stay home so I can

purge our family of all the crap we have collected throughout the year. Now

that isn’t to say I don’t do this all year as well but there is something about

being able to spend days not hours cleaning stuff.

I am strange I know but I LOVE the sense of accomplishment I

feel when I finishing cleaning and organizing something.

Thus far this week I have:

 

• Cleaned our office (books and papers Purged)
• Transformed the back deck from a winter mess to a spring haven (if you can tell me how to get rid of pollen I am all ears)
• Done 6 loads of laundry
• Cleaned my clothes closet and thinned out my shoe rack
• Organized all the kids closets and clothes
• Cleaned the garage

I still have stuff left to do but most of that is the fun

stuff like going shopping for the kids new spring/summer clothes, seeing

friends for lunch, watching the royal wedding and relaxing a bit.

 

After a week of this I may be ready to go back to work!

 

 

The Disney Princess Half Marathon (DPHM) weekend.…… yes I know it's late!!!

It’s been awhile and as promised, I have pictures and a recap from The Disney Princess Half Marathon (DPHM) weekend.……

First, I have to send a huge shout out to my husband for encouraging me to go do this even though I was leaving him alone with all the kids for 2 days.

I left on a Friday night with a plane full of ladies on their way to run the DPHM the mood was happy even though we were a good hour late taking off.

I arrived at my hotel around 9pm that evening …I was starving so I did what any good runner would do (not...) I hopped over to McDonalds which was right across the way from my hotel. I devoured a quarter pounder with cheese and only ate a handful of fries and sipped my powerade.

My Bed when I arrived

Soon I realized I needed to get to bed as I had a race to run in the am...No not the DPHM but instead my version of the Goofy. I was going to run in the Royal family 5K on Saturday morning then the DPHM on Sunday. 

The Royal family 5k was packed; there were kid’s adults and even a few grandparents all there ready to tackle the 5K that would take you through Epcot.

I had camera in hand and was ready to stop and snap my picture with as many characters as I could. I also found myself somehow very close to the front of the starting line which is not usually, where I start a race.

The countdown begins and we were off… I was going well faster than my normal 10 p/m pace. I was soon in Epcot ready for my photo ops. I would dash to a princess get my picture taken then sprint to the next princess. My finish time was 27:14 that my friends equates to an 8:46 p/m! Holy smokes!!!

Disney Royal Family 5K 

Snow White!

Sprinting to the finish of the Royal Family 5k

I headed back to the hotel to shower and then head to the expo where I would pick up my DPHM race packet and do some serious runner shopping.

Once completely shopped out I headed to the store for my water and my powerade to ensure I was properly hydrated for my race. I then headed back to the hotel and chilled the rest of Saturday afternoon. 

That however was a big mistake!! I was WIDE AWAKE at 9pm then 10pm then 11pm. Did I mention I had a 3:30 wakeup call? Yes 3:30 because race is in sunny FL they want to be sure you are not beat down by the blistering heat. So at 4am I boarded a bus with my fellow Princesses to head to the start line.

While standing in line for the bus I met a few folks and walked with them to the start. It helped soothe the jitters that I always seem to have at these races you would think after 4 of these I would not be nervous.

I was in corral B yes B not Z which is where I am for most of my other races. The fireworks went off and corral B was off. The first mile is always tough because you are trying to find a spot and stick to it not easy when you and 13,000 of your closest friends are all headed to the same finish line!

In January 2010, I participated in Disney’s marathon weekend and ran my first half the whole time I questioned if I would finish and gutted my way to the finish line. This time I wanted to enjoy the ride instead of just gutting it out. By mile 3, I was still wondering if I could finish this. My goal this time around was to not struggle to finish but instead enjoy the race and enjoy the race I did!!! My time was 2:22:15 a full 14 minute faster than my last time, and that was with all my pits stops as you will see below!! Great time, Great race I love Disney!!!!!

Sleeping beauty and the prince

All the Disney men :)

Gotta love a guy in uniform

I was Mrs Incredible that weekend

Looking good around mile 6

Finished!!!

Disney Princess Half Marathon is only 9 days away………..

Last year after running my first ever half marathon at Disney in what I would later be described as epic conditions. I decided that I wanted to run more races and that my next Disney race would be the Disney Princess Half Marathon. Well I am happy to say I am headed back to Disney to don my tiara and running shoes!

I am much less nervous for this Disney race compared to last! I have 3 half under my belt and I have been coached by the best coaches around Steve (my life and running yoda) and Bart Yasso.
My last half earned me a PR of 2:18, nearly 18 minutes faster than that cold icy day in January when even Mickey and Minnie weren’t’ so happy J I attribute that time to the training plan by Bart and the editors at Runners world, as well as to the support provided by them prior to and on race day.
I would like to hope I can once again improve my time, injuries my not allow for that, but this time around I plan to enjoy the ride instead of just trying to hold on till the ride is over.
I will be sure to do a post race recap so stay tuned!!!!

Jamaica in December…..

I highly recommend it! My husband and I decided back in the summer that once our lives started to resemble normal again that we would take some time to relax and enjoy each other something we haven’t done much of in the recent months.

We spoke with my in-laws in September and asked if they would be willing to come watch the kids for a week. They accepted!

So Dec 5th to the 10th my hubby and I headed out on a vacation, just the 2 of us no kids! We haven’t done that in 10 years. We had an early morning flight to Miami then connected to our flight to Jamaica. At 8am we were in the Miami airport enjoying what would be the first of many adult beverages (we were having bloody Mary’s to start). We arrive in Jamaica and proceeded to the lounge to await our transport to our hotel. Of course, Red Stripe beer was served to us J

Once we arrived at the hotel (an hour and a half ride), we were greeted by a bell man serving drinks to welcome us. We checked in a proceeded to our room. Room was nice we had a good view. We were beat from the 4am wake up call to get to the airport on time and decided to take a nap. Dinner was uneventful and we headed right back to bed with our full tummies and still tired bodies.

Our first night!

The next morning I was up and ready to hit the beach armed with my sunscreen and book off I went I did nothing but sip fruity drinks and read my book (Bart Yasso’s My life on the run). Day 2 was pretty much the same. But then came dinner day 2. My husband was not impressed with the service or the food and tried his best to keep it to himself but he had finally had enough. He wanted to move resorts!

So the next morning I packed up all the bags and proceeded to waste my morning waiting on transportation to our new location. Hubby lost out; because this was the morning, I was planning to head to the nude beach to take care of those tan lines. Instead, I was packing and sitting in the lobby watching everyone else have fun. So yes, I was pouting like a baby!

Again, another hour and a half in the car, but this time it was worth it. We were greeted by friendly smiles and loads of customer service. The resort even upgraded us free to a suite that was the size of a small apartment! I soon got over my doom and gloom from the morning. The next day was a bit rainy but still full of fun and relaxing. It was also full of food!

The jerk center served traditional Jamaican food every day for lunch I had jerk chicken rice and peas and corn on the cob. Ms. Keisha, the cook at the jerk center took great care of us and fed us well. Stephen our waiter was wonderful and never let our drinks go dry. I guess that explains the 6lbs I put on while there :)

Drinks on the beach!

Keisha who kept me fat and happy :)

Our final day was good we sat by the pool sipped drinks and took in all the people watching we could. I was having quite the time coming up with stories to my husband about the people we saw. I swear he thinks I am a bit looney but it was entertaining.

As we pulled away from our hotel the bellmen and a number of staff waved goodbye to us as we pulled out of the driveway. My husband even came home a wrote a review on trip advisor! Check it out here.


We arrived home late Friday night and the next morning we were greeted by happy kids! It was a great get away and just what we needed to recharge our batteries! I highly recommend it to any married couple especially one with kids!

2011 Running Schedule

So I find I do best with my running, that is I stay consistent in my training, if I have a race to train for. So I decided this year to actually plan out my 2011 races. Below is my 2011 Race Schedule not only do I have it plastered on my wall at the office but I have also now put it out here for all the world to see, and well also to have you check on me to make sure I am doing what I am supposed to.

If any of you who read my blog will be participating in these races let me know, I would love to meet you!
Happy Running!!

2011 Running Schedule

Feb 27th- Disney Princess Half

March- 13th St Patrick's Day 8k

April 10th- GW Parkway Classic 10 miler

May-15th Fredricksburg Historic Half - This could also be a relay event with hubby
June 4th- Race for the cure 5K

Sept 4th VA beach rock and Roll Half

Oct 2nd Wilson Bridge Half

Nov- Phila Marathon

Updates and stuff

So I seem to average oh a posting a month not a good thing for the Bloggy world. Life has been busy as usual, seems that one time consuming event leads to another in my life.

Since September, I have been working like crazy, as I was promoted to AVP and now head up all of the operations areas. I enjoy the challenge and it has kept me busy, sometimes a little too busy. I find myself bring work home in the evening or staying late to catch and keep up. I think things are starting to smooth out though and I am looking forward to a productive 2011 on the work front.

I have handled most moms’ estate and there is very little left to do. I do still have a large amount of personal items (letters, card, keepsakes) from over the years that I have yet to bring myself to go through. Maybe later this winter I will get to them.

Work has been a huge distraction with respect to me dealing with the loss of my mom. In some ways, I feel as though I did the obligatory duties (funeral, legal paper work, and dealing with the house) but I realized I still haven’t let out all my emotions with regard to my mom’s passing. More on that to come….

I am still running and loving it, I have mentally mapped out my race schedule for 2011 now I need to get it on paper and stick to it. 2011 may be my year to take on the Marathon. I am still debating if I am ready for that challenge.

In December, Dan and I took a much needed vacation without kids! My in-laws were sweet enough to babysit all 3 kids and I am happy to say everyone survived. More to come on that topic as well…..

The kids had a wonderful Christmas and they were very happy with all of Santa’s loot. Even little Izzy was excited. However, I am already looking forward to next year when she has a better understanding of what is going on. Here they are Christmas Morning. As you can see they have all grown quite a bit since my last pictures of them in MAY!

I hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas and that 2011 is your best year yet. I will be posting a bit more regularly, I missed the blog interaction, and I do believe it is a great form of therapy.

Cheers!

Running with Runners World and the Runners World Challenge!

Running has become a passion; I am more in love with running each race I run. At first running was a means to an end that is, at first I did it to lose weight , then I did it to cope with life and most recently I ran to escape the pain of losing my mom.

NO MORE!

I now run because I enjoy it, I run because it is fun, I run because it gives me a sense of accomplishment!

2 weeks ago, I took part in the Runners World Challenge; Runner’s World magazine invites runners of all levels to join them at several races over the year. Prior to the event, you are provided with a training program based on your level and desired race performance. You are also given the opportunity to communicate directly with Runners world editors and fellow challengers via forums. Over the course of 10 weeks or 25 depending on the race distance you select you begin to interact on a regular basis with people just like you. All come from various backgrounds and running levels but we are all there for one thing…that is to succeed in our upcoming race. 

So you’re thinking, big deal how is this any different than a running club or any other online chat forum. Well I can tell you first hand it is so much more. I signed up for the challenge at a time when I thought I would be in a position to really embrace the training. Life decided otherwise or at least I thought it did. One day feeling quiet down and ready to pack it in a not participate I decided to post as such on the RW forum. The response was so overwhelmingly positive I felt compelled to charge on. I continued to post and train albeit not as regularly as I would have liked.  Each time I made a post, I had either RW editors or complete strangers holding me up saying you can do it. I decided to participate, I thought it would be worth the price of admission for the pre and post race perks and  to meet in person Bart Yasso, the mayor of running and Chief Running officer of RW.

So here we were the week before the race and I am feeling good, like things are going my way and I will be able to compete. I am excited to meet the Experts and other participants of my same running ability. I decide to send an email to Bart so as not to make a complete fool of myself when I meet him in person. In my email I share with him the struggles of the last year and how running has played a part in my healing and coping process. I also shared I was ready for running to be more I was ready to embrace it as fun not just a way to deal with life. 

Friday night before the race and I am sitting in a meeting room at the Omni Hotel with my fellow challengers getting a briefing on the course, being introduced to others and listing to the editors, to include Bart, impart their wisdom and humor.

I go to my hotel room that night ready to take on the challenge, the jitters are there but they are jitters in a good way, if that is possible. I lay out all my clothes, I pin on my bib number, I double check that I have my ear buds, iPod and Garmin watch. Then it hits me. I didn’t sync up my iPod with the Richmond Half playlist I had created….WHAT DO I DO NOW???? You would have thought I had left my running shoes at home. I figured out a solution to my music delema, I set my alarm clock and made a call to the front desk for a wakeup call. It is now 9pm and it is lights out. 

I lay there wide awake at 2am nervous, what if I fall asleep and don’t hear the alarm? What if the front desk doesn’t call for my wakeup call? What if I can’t finish the race? What the hell have I gotten myself into? I put my head down and doze for 40 minutes; up again this time I think need to hydrate, I grab my water bottle a pound 8ozs of water. Then I think well I need some electrolytes too, I guzzle the Gatorade.

Again I lay my head back down it is now 4:30am I am so wide awake and it is pointless for me to sleep. I get up get dressed and tinker around on the computer, people post interesting things on face book  at 4:30 on a Saturday morning!

It’s time …I leave my room head to my car and make the 7mile drive to the host hotel. There I watch others like me mulling around. My husband calls, we chat while I walk to the starting line. I reach the National Theater and see the Runners World Challenge flags and my stomach does belly flops. “What the hell have you sign up for here Whalen?” I think. I go inside where I am greeted by Jenn Van Allen an editor at RW she is bright eyed and smiling “How ya doing?” tired ,nervous didn’t sleep well I say. She points to the bathroom and the food, I look for a place to sit my stuff and enjoy the warmth of being inside, and I pace my fluid intake so I can plan my inside bathroom break to just prior to start time.

I strike up a conversation with a woman by the name of Trisha, she is running the half like I am and has a goal of under 3 hours. Cool someone of my speed I think. We chat about the event where we have run before.

It is about 10 minutes to the start of the half and I grab my opportunity to get a picture with running loyalty. Bart is gracious and lets me snap a picture, what happens next blew me away.

Bart says “Stephanie, right” yes I reply “Stephanie Whalen”  He then goes on to say “I read your email, actually read it twice, I am sorry about your mom and you will do great today” he may have said more but I was in shock so I didn’t get it all, he then gives me a hug. I am about to burst into tears! I lost my mom a mere 3 months ago I am dedicating this race to her and this man who gets hundreds if not thousands of emails a week makes a personal connection with me.

Bart Yasso and me before the Richmond Half Marathon

I keep it together, I turn in my bag and Bart is on stage getting everyone revved up and he says “See you at the Finish Stephanie” and gives me a thumbs up. I proceed to the door to the start line, when Jenn who is well aware of the emotional journey that has gotten me here gives me a big hug and said have a good race and have fun, at this point I was trying to keep my composure and not bawl like a baby. Trisha whom I met earlier, and I head to our starting waves I wish her luck and get in the pack of wave 4 starters.

The first couple miles were a blur; I had so many things rushing around in my head, did Bart Yasso really address me personally? Wasn’t Jenn sweet to give me a hug? Why the hell am I doing this? Am I going to be able to make it? Before I know it I am at mile 4 and I am settling in nicely, I have found my pace and my space. I am not franticly looking at my watch, I am simply running and taking this entire race in.

Not really sure who this guy is, it looks like we were battling each other :)

I get to the 10k mark (6.2 miles) I am running what has the makings of a PR and I feel great. I keep going, taking in the amazingly supportive people of Richmond who yell out to me “keep running challenger” or “you’re looking good Steph” (my name was on my bib). 

Who ever thought I would smile and wave during a run!

 I get to the spot where wet washcloths were to be giving out , mile 10 I believe and there is not a fresh one to be had. Now if I was looking for dirty, salty, trampled washcloth I could have had my pick of the litter. I won’t lie my spirit was a bit broken I was looking forward to a cool facial wipe down. I was starting to drag and needed a pick me up. I get to the next water stop and need to take a walking break. At this point, I look at my watch and realize holy crap I am well ahead of my PR time. I start saying to myself “you can do this you are stronger than you know” I think I said this for the next 3 miles. However at the end of the race I couldn’t remember what it was I was saying to myself it came back to me about a day later.

I start to run again albeit at a slower pace but I am moving and I plan to keep moving till I hit the finish line. Between miles 11 and 12.5, I had a couple more walk breaks but nothing more than 90 seconds I had to beat my PR.

I round the last corner where you hear the crowd saying "it’s all downhill” they were right and off I went. I pulled out my ear buds and for the first time ever in a race I let the crowd take me to the finish line.

I crossed the finish line in 2:18:23! I am overwhelmed, I not only beat my PR of 2:34:06 I shattered it! In my mind, I had a PR of 20 min, where I cam eup with that math I will never know I think I was delirious. It was really less than that, but that realization didn’t hit me till I got back to the hotel and got a shower.

Me sprinting to the finish!

I make my way to the Runners World Challengers reception where I was greeting by applause as well questions How was it? How do you feel? I found my bag and called my husband who was floored by my time. I waiting for my massage (wonderful by the way) and I dined on peanut butter and banana sandwiches, water and power aide. It was heaven!!!

The marathoners started to come in and it was so enjoyable to see the high fives and the pats on the back for a job well done. I realized the wave of marathon finishers was coming and I decided I better head to the hotel and get cleaned up so I could head home. I said good bye to Jenn and thanked her for everything, she encouraged me to stay in touch.

Monday Morning I am headed to work when my Blackberry chimes that I have a facebook message. It’s Bart Yasso, sending me a message to congratulate me on my 16 minute PR and letting me know how proud he was of me and my time. He also wrote of how my mom was a part of my success and to know that she was at peace. He then offered up his contact information, should I ever have questions.

I must say this was just the most amazing weekend! I am determined now to do a marathon and I will be doing it with the Runners World Challenge but not for the reasons you might think, sure the VIP treatment is the great, but the camaraderie runners show to one another is amazing!!!

Are you there blogger it’s me Steph.......

Please stay with me as I fast forward and rewind all in the same post. It is important for me to get all of this out on paper (even if it is virtual paper) so I can hopefully start the healing process but never forget what a strong person my mother was and the strong person she had let me become.


Fast Forward: Sadly, my mom passed away 8/16/10 after bravely batting endometrial cancer which had mets to her lungs and brain.

Rewind: The last time I wrote I consumed with dealing with moms cancer the dreaded meeting with Hospice. We had the meeting with Hospice and things seemed to be looking up they would be there at least once a week to check mom’s vitals and perform her needed lab work so she would not need to leave the house which was becoming more difficult for both of us. Her from a physical stand point and me from a logistical standpoint.

My mother’s Birthday came on the 29th of July, and while she wasn’t too interested in celebrating, I tried my best to make it a happy day. I had given her an iPod earlier in the month which I loaded up with her favorite songs and pictures of the grandkids so she could have music during her chemo treatments and show of her grand kids which she loved to do. These days food was not at the top of her list and while I wanted to bake her a cake I didn’t even try because I knew in some respects it would just upset her.

During the next couple days to follow her birthday she seemed to be doing a bit better, she was eating more than she had in a few weeks and she was still able to do small things for herself around the house. I was becoming used to the routine of working from her house on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s 9my work from home days and stopping by before or after work on the other days. We had fallen into a new normal.

The Morning of August 3rd I was sitting at my computer I was finishing the sync of my iPod so I could go for my morning run when the phone rang it was 5:08 am the exact time 38 years ago that I was born. My mother used to call me some years at the exact time of my birth to be the first to wish me a happy birthday; she hadn’t done it in years so it was a pleasant surprise when the phone rang. I picked up only to hear a sense of desperation in my mom’s voice “come now, I need you now” I asked her what was wrong but she refused to tell me only saying I needed to get there now.

I quickly got in my car and headed to her house to find her lying on the floor of her bedroom, she had fallen out of bed and was unable to get herself back up. My thought at the time was that she had exhausted herself trying and finally gave up till she was able to get enough strength to reach the phone and call. I helped her up no easy task as mom was not a small lady. I got her settled and she assured me she was fine just really tried. I encouraged her to no go downstairs the rest of the day and that I would call her while I was at work to check on her. I went on to work and while there Hospice called to check on things unaware of what had happened in the am. I shared with them my concerns and they offered to send a nurse out to check on my mom. I could no longer concentrate at work so I left to be with mom.

When I arrived, she was in bed and shocked to see me back so soon, I told her I was worried about her and that Hospice was coming to just make sure she was ok. She was furious with me. She let me have it up one side down the other, telling me she didn’t want them in her home and that she was not going to be taken out of her home. I assured her nothing of the sort would happen but she was still not happy. The Hospice nurse came and checked her out. She was fine but she was very concerned for my mother’s safety moving forward she suggested moving my mom to the main level of her town house which would then allow her to stay on one floor and reduce the possibility for falls which could be deadly down the stairs. Mom refused; once the nurse was gone, she again laid into me for calling them. All of this was bearable for me however; I knew things had taken a drastic change for my mom because during the entire course of the day it never occurred to my mom that today was my birthday. This was sad on many levels for me, my mom was always the one I could count on through good or bad that would never forget my day and always made me feel special. Not that day :(

Over the next several days, I found my mom in various states to include on the floor in her office, one the floor in her room and sitting on the toilet to which she claimed to have been sitting on for 5 hours. It was crystal clear I could no longer leave her alone for long periods of time and after much debate and arguing I brought in a home health care aide to care for my mother. The aide did a good job but she was no match for my mom who was as stubborn as they come. The aide called me at least 2 times a day to ask for help or ask me to talk to my mother. By this point, I was at my mom’s house before and after work as well as all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The hospice team brought an army on Aug 10th to meet with my mom it included the Dr. a social worker and mom’s regular nurse. This was the first time the dr. was seeing my mom and the news from him was not good he felt she now required 24hr care and that she was within 3 to 5 weeks of her passing. I was crushed, how was I supposed to relay this? How was I supposed to sell my mom on 24hr care? As it was I was barely seeing my own family and I wasn’t sure I could handle what 24hr care required. By this point mom had become increasingly unable to control her bowels and was becoming less and less herself and more and more combative. I talked with my husband and we agreed that I needed help ad we hired a 24hr caregiver. The care giver started on the 12th of August and she was the perfect match for my mom she would not put up with her nonsense but she was also very compassionate and caring and took care of all my mom’s personal needs which I was unable to do. I feel horrible saying that but it became too much to try and change and bathe my mom and I was overwhelmed with emotion each time I did.

Friday August 13th – Dan had arranged for the priest from my mom’s local parish to visit we felt it was better to do this now while mom was still doing well. He visited with her for over an hour and preformed last rites or what is now known as the sacrament of the sick. I felt it was early for this as the Dr said we were 3 to 5 weeks away but in hindsight, I am glad Dan made that call.

Saturday August 14th I stayed the entire day with my mom all day I laid in bed with her and we talked and she held my hand at one point I told her “I love you” she said “I love you more” to which I answered “I love you mostest” and then she spread her arms wide and said “I love you this much” we used to have that exchange when I was a little girl. I was totally brought to tears.

Sunday August 15th- I arrived in the am to find my mom in bed moaning her breathing was not labored but it was clear something had happened to her overnight. The breathing and moaning became louder and finally after 5 to 6 hours of it I called hospice. They sent a nurse who said the moaning was a sign of pain and the breathing was grugley because she was unable to clear secretions. She asked when the last time was that she had had food or drink and we told her mom had not eaten solid food for about 4 days and that we were only getting ensure in her so she could take her meds. She turned to me and said “stop the fluids, only give her water and only if she asks for it, she is unable to handle the ensure and it will end up in her lungs which could lead to pneumonia” I was shocked and the look on my face must have showed it because she came to me and took my hand and said “this is the beginning of the end, you have about 2 weeks give or take”. I stayed with my mom the rest of the evening before heading home at 9pm to get a shower and go to bed.

Monday August 16th - I was at my mom’s at 5am, the caregiver was changing her, and I talked to her sharing a goofy story about her grandson Jackson and telling her that Izzy was now taking steps. She smiled and seemed to be in good spirits. She even had a small 80z bottle of water. I decided to go to work to let them know I would need to go on a leave of absence as it was becoming clear the end was near. My boss was very understanding and told me to let him know if there was anything, he could do to help. I headed back to my mom’s house where my husband had been just and hour before. He had reported that she was sleeping peacefully and quietly. I arrived to find her in the same state and was content to sit next to her as she slept. At 5:45 the doorbell rang and it was the delivery of the hospital bed that hospice had ordered to allow my mom to more easily sit up and help with her breathing. The caregiver and I went to help move mom to the new bed when I realized that mom was burning up with a fever. I took her temperature after we moved her and she was 104. I called hospice who said they would send a nurse over they then instructed me to put cool rags on her and then the words I don’t think I will forget. “This is the end; the body sometimes spikes a high fever right at the end. You have hours to a day” I hung up called my husband and told him through my tears. He came quickly and brought the children. He went up to her room first and sat with her for a few minutes, I then took each of the children to her bedside I told them Gran was very tired and she was snoring a lot (her breathing was horribly loud) My oldest stood by her bedside and told her she loved her then quickly left. My middle child came in grabbed moms had told her he loved her and kissed her hand. I walked him out and he turned to me and said “I’m never going to see Gran again am I?” to which I could only say “probably not”.

Dan left with the kids and I went back to be with my mom, I sat there holding her hand with tears rolling down my face, her breathing was atrocious. Finally, it slowed and with one final breath, she was gone. I sat there stunned holding her hand not wanting to let go. I called my husband who was on his way back to her house to tell him she was gone. After that, I sat holding her hand for another 1 and half as we waited for hospice to come and certify her death, then the funeral home it was 11:30 before I left moms house dazed and stunned.

Moms funeral was simple she wanted to be cremated and wanted only a small graveside service. I was very fortunate to have loving friends and family around me all of whom have made this whole ordeal bearable.

In the last several weeks I have realized that while my mom and I were at odds a lot she was my best friend I did tell her just about everything and I so dearly miss our talks even though a great many ended in arguments. I thank her for her strength, without it I would not have gotten through the last several months. I pray she is in a better place and at peace as peace seemed to escape her during her time her on earth.

Barbara B. O'Toole

7-29-43 - 8-16-10

Some days it hits you out of nowhere

I really should be working but I just can't seem to get my mind off the appointment I will have later today with my mom. We have decided to call in Hospice, I need the help and sadly the end is getting closer and closer. I am not equipped to handle what is about to come so I have been told Hospice is the best answer.

I have mixed feeling about all of this. My Mom is my mom, however we have had our fair share of arguments, disagreements and fallouts throughout my entire life. Some of the things I had issue with I have long since let go, others seem to pop up every now and then, even now as we go to this final stage. It is extremely hard to care for someone when they are bitter and mean to you, yet I march on knowing this is my duty and what I assume any good daughter would do.

My father passed away when I was 12 and before that I really didn't know him since my parents bitterly divorced when I was 5. My mom is my only family with the exception of the family I have created with my husband. She had no siblings and her parents passed by the time she was 11, the cousins I do have all either passed on or are significantly older than I ,and really have no deep history or relationship with my mother. So to see her pass will mean a part of my history good bad or indifferent will be taken with her. The good times that we did share will only be my memories, which will become stories I will share with my children but sadly will not be able to share time and again with my mom or have my mom tell them in her own way to my children.

Yesterday while in the office a coworker of mine asked me “How do you do it all”, she was not aware of the current situation, I asked what she meant by “all” and she went on to say "Well you work full time in a stressful job, you have a husband and 3 kids, you are a volunteer, you take educational classes at work, you run 1/2 marathons, and who knows what else" I stopped for a minute and thought about what she said, I never really thought of it as a lot of stuff, it was just the stuff I had to do, then it hit me......My mother taught me that, she instilled that work effort, and drive to perform in me. Which then brought me to tears...... Saying goodbye is so very hard

Cancer and crap…….

I sincerely doubt that I have any readers left since I seem to have fallen of the blog earth in most respects for good reasons.

I must say that I miss the interaction and the support I derive from blogging and I am hoping some of my blogging world friends will rally around me during this difficult time.

As I have written about, in some of my lasts posts, my husband and I were having some issues earlier this year. I am happy to say that we are working through them and I feel the worst part of the storm is over and we are coming out of it stronger than we were before.

The kids are doing great Lauren is now a rising 3rd grader and is growing more mature by the day. Jackson is a rising 1st grader and he amazes me everyday with the thought provoking questions he asks. Isabelle will be one in a little over a month, boy how time flies! She has started to take some steps but nothing consistent, but she is itching to run after her older brother and sister.

On to the cancer title of this post….. For the last several months my mother has complained of not feeling well. She has not seen a Dr. in well over 25 years by her own choice as during this time she had healthcare but had a complete and utter aversion to Dr. hospitals and all that came with it. Explains why she never came to the hospital when I had the 3 kids. Anyway about 6 weeks ago I received a call early on a Saturday morning from my mother saying she couldn’t breathe. I rushed to her house to find her laboring to breathe and wanting only go to the urgent care center. I of course insisted on the major hospital because in my gut I knew something was not right. She reluctantly agreed and off we went. She was seen in the ER and they started tests as soon as she sat down. An x-ray and blood work was done first and confirmed fluid in her lung and infection, we then moved on to a CT scan. Which showed legions “too numerous to count” on her Lungs and Uterus. Right then I knew my world was going to forever be changed.

Fast forward a bit, my mother was in the hospital for 6 days during that time we dealt with the removal of fluid from her lung, an infection which has still yet to be identified, high blood pressure and decreased oxygen levels and a surgical biopsy of her uterus in which they weren’t able to fully take her under for fear they would lose her during surgery due to her breathing issues. I was informed by every Dr who spoke to me that Hospice should be brought in as her time was anywhere from a couple of months to a high side of 10 months.

My main focus through all of this was to get her stable and get her home, the fear in her eyes each time someone came in will haunt me forever. We were finally given the diagnosis of Stage IV uterine cancer, which has metastases to the lungs, among other issues.

Chemo was ordered and started within the week, mom tolerated it OK but has since continued to go down hill, her blood pressure is still high even on meds and her breathing issues have yet again returned, she has lost 15lbs in a matter of 3 weeks due to her lack of appetite and her tumor markers have nearly quadrupled in 2 weeks.

Early last week she informed me that she would not continue Chemo as she feels it is not helping and doesn’t see the use in it. I have told her I will respect her wishes no matter what she ultimately decides. So today we are speaking with the oncologist to inform her of her decision. This appt will be hard because the question will need to be asked about prognosis without chemo and I am sure the prognosis will not be good.

I am not dealing with this well on many levels and I am ashamed that I am not able to be stronger for my mom, but I am doing the best I can. There is a long history here that is hard to overcome however I am stepping up. Yet through all of this my mom has still kept me at an arms length and treated me as though I have somehow inflicted this on her when all I am trying to do is manage this horrible process. She basically shuts down whenever I try to talk to her.

If you are still reading this I ask that you say a prayer not only for my mom to have a peaceful painless time though this journey but also a prayer for me and my family as we try our best to deal with the hand that has been dealt to us.

I finally did it….

I have been with my current company for 12 years, in that time I have gotten married had 3 kids and countless other life and family events have happened. Through it all I have been a true blue employee in good times and bad and honestly they have been a good employer as well. 5 years ago my company moved its offices about 37 miles from my home as compared to the 12miled I used to commute. To many I am sure that isn’t that big of a deal but when you live in the 2nd most traffic congested city in the country it is a big deal add to that the time constraints of daycare drop off and pick ups well it becomes downright stressful.

It wasn’t until about 18 months ago that I noticed my usually think skin traffic tolerance start to crack. Why? Well, VA DOT started building hot lanes in an effort to ease the congestion here in the DC metro area that construction has added at least another 15 minutes to my commute and that is on a good day. Completion of this project is not until 2013!!

After taking a much needed vacation or stay-cation as I called it I realized it was the commute that was killing me. Even though I was on vacation I was checking my email and taking calls while home (kids were all in school or daycare during the day). I was not not nearly as stressed out nor was I watching the clock like a hawk. My ah-ha moment arrived; I needed to start working from home!

So Monday morning after my stay-cation I had a meeting with my boss I flat out asked if I could start working 2 days a week from home figuring I would only get approved for one day. To my surprise he said “sure”!! What!!!!! I thought to myself, did I hear you right you are OK with me being home???? I of course need to come in on the days I usually work from home if there is a meeting that requires my physical presence and if senior management wants they can put a stop at any time.

So today is my first work from home day and it has been one of my most productive days since coming back from maternity leave. I was at my home office desk at 6:30 got a good hour in a half in before dropping the kids at school which by the way was not a rushed event as it usually is and I was back at my desk a mere 10 mins later.

So thank you kind boss I promise not to let you down and my advise to you other working moms you never know till you ask!

Time Flies……..

This weekend was a busy weekend for The Whalen family!

Dan and I celebrated our 11^th Wedding Anniversary, he surprised me a couple of weeks ago with a Mac which I love. Some would say that isn’t the most romantic gift, I would disagree I think it was extremely romantic and thoughtful. 

This weekend was also Lauren’s First Communion, she looked like a princess and I was so proud of her. It brought me back to my own First Communion, what was scary about that thought  is that it doesn’t seem like it was 30 years ago but it was. Talk about feeling old quick!!

So for Giggles here I am at my First communion Over 30 years ago

                                  And here is lovely Lauren just this past weekend

I think hands down Lauren is way cutier than her ole' mom :) It was a lovely day and I am so happy for her!